Stages of suffering,Stages of healing

She passed away on the 13th of december

This is actually the reason why I've been busy lately and didn't have the time to update my blog. But now, I'm updating. I've been trying to post earlier, but I don't know just what to write. I'm lost of words. No words can describe my unbearable feeling right now. I've been drafting this post for 3 days. The more I write, the more my writing seems empty. I just don't know how to explain and tell you how I feel right now. Even if I did, you wouldn't understand. Oh, I'm sorry, you just don't want to understand. Do you?

I'm sure most of you thinks I'm a "heartless person" when you see me in school or even anywhere. Laughing, smiling, being happy and having a wonderful time when I should be the other way round. In other words, judging me when you shouldn't be. You don't know that I'm freaking sad and miserable on the inside. I keep on holding back the tears when I could not stand it any longer. It just shows that you don't know me well. But to others who didn't judge me but instead understand my feelings and actually cared for me, thank you so much.

Right, the moment you all have been waiting for has arrived, ready to read?

Me and others cousin love our granny too much.i do post abt her bfre kan?everytime i come back home frm scll, i will dfntly invite/force her to come along wth me,sit besides.eat together.she also love to make a joke,all her jokes were totally lmao.i still remember on the thursday,i have a talk with her,gelak sana sini

Nowadays, all the memories I had with my granny keeps on popping up on my mind and it has been replaying in my head over and over again . When I hit the stop button, nothing happened.

The first few days when I went to visit her in the hospital, she was still okay, better than the days after. When she couldn't stand the pain, I went beside her, held her hand tight and asked her to hold on and be strong,whispering on her ear telling tht i'm coming )': I feel useless at that point of time. You would feel the same too. I hate to see her suffer and not doing anything to help her ease the pain )': It's not that I didn't want to help her but I couldn't do anything. Not even saying words of comfort because it won't work. All I did was pray for her. I know that helped )':

I miss you nenek, I will always miss and remember you ♥

Credit to oxford. it's totally working
by helping me fr ths post cs
at last it look a like an essay (':